The Imagination Project...

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Compare Yourself to No One

By Lisa Noland-Shalosky

In today’s day and age, we are always comparing ourselves to those around us.  And believe it or not this is a learned behavior and we can learn to work with the energy of the experience to move into a greater place of self-acceptance. 

There are many factors at play in the way that we act and present ourselves to the world.  From a very young age we are taught competition and comparison.  For example, when we are born our parents compared our height and weight to other babies.  We are compared to others for when we took our first steps, uttered our first words, or even when we are potty trained.  It never ends.

Then we enter the program of education, oh the dreaded first day of school.  I can remember my first day of grade school, how scared I was that I wouldn’t be accepted by the other children and made fun of for the dress that my Mother made me wear.  (To this day you will not catch me in a dress!)  I clearly remember being slower at doing math problems as the boy that sat next to me.  I remember thinking “What is was wrong with me?”  Or during recess, I couldn’t and still can’t run as fast as others.  How is it a 5-year-old child can already be in the cycle of comparing herself to everything and everyone around her? 

We are born into a program of comparison.  Period.  We are taught that we are not good enough the way we are, that we have to be more like someone else in order to be accepted, at least that is the way it appears.

None of this is true. 

But this is not what you have been taught.  To no fault of your parents, because that is what they were taught, and so on and so forth.  We have been passing down the belief that we have to be something outside ourselves to be accepted.  And we never feel good enough about ourselves to be enough just the way we are.

It has taken many years for me to understand this concept, and honestly, I’m still a work in progress.  The key is to become aware of yourself when you are comparing yourself to someone outside of you.  Then hit the pause button, ask yourself this question, “Where is the origination of this thought, feeling or emotion that I’m experiencing right now?”  Then go with the first thing that comes in.  That is always the best place to start.  Once you find the origination of the belief, then you can work to unravel it and replace it with a new belief.

So, for example, I become aware that I am comparing myself to someone who is wearing a beautiful dress, and I begin the critical self-talk, “Look how beautiful she is.  You never wear dresses.  You would look more like a woman if you would wear a dress like she has on…” Recognize that voice?  Pause, ask the question, “Where is the origination of this thought, feeling and emotion I’m having?”  Ah, there it is, my first day of grade school.  I was wearing a dress that my Mother made me wear, that I didn’t want to wear, and the fear of being judged got rooted in my psyche and now I continue to compare myself to others who choose to wear dresses. 

Crazy, right?! 

I know, it’s crazy.  But this is what we do.  Once you find the origination of the belief or experience, you then sit with that aspect of yourself.  From a place of love, hear the side of the story they have created and been holding onto all this time.  Let it unravel itself.  And when it has, then you can begin to infuse a new belief in its place.  Explain to this aspect of yourself how you understand how they have felt, and that it’s now time to see things differently.  From a place of non-judgment and love. 

So, let’s go back to my earlier example; I show up for my first day of school wearing a dress I didn’t want to wear, fearing judgment from other children.  In my adult experience, compare myself to other women who look beautiful wearing dresses and judging myself.  I move through the exercise of finding the origination of where this all began, aha!  Then I let it unravel and infuse the new belief that I don’t have to wear dresses to feel like a beautiful woman and that I no longer need to compare myself to women who choose to express their beauty in this way.  It’s that simple. 

The way to break the cycle of comparing yourself to others is to become aware that you are doing it.  It’s that simple.  Find the origination, let it unravel, insert new belief and move on. 

Lisa Noland-Shalosky - Featured Writer Bio

Lisa Noland-Shalosky is a Psychic Medium, Certified Spiritual Advisor and Certified Master Teacher through the Lisa Williams International School of Spiritual Development (

Lisa has dedicated her life to her work with spirit and over the past 10 years has shared this gift with clients all over the world.  Providing help and healing messages to guiding clients through difficult areas of life, Lisa is helping to change the lives of many through her connection to spirit.